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Splitting things on alternate dates would be 75/25, but in any case is not courtship behavior. “Yes, I had dessert and you didn’t, but your drinks cost more” is not a charming negotiation.
What you should be doing is reciprocating the gentleman’s invitations. This means inviting him for outings that you plan and pay for entirely. The only relevance of your income is you would naturally plan something you could afford. A lady who made less would choose something more modest. The point is not the cost, but the graciousness of offering hospitality. Miss Manners’ guess is that the other gentlemen you mention are not so much bothered by your large income as by your small attitude toward entertaining.
August 13, 2010 at 4:07 pm
” It still feels really unfair to me that they should have to suffer.”
As others have said…The dreaded “Rules” and the dreaded John Gray would say that they are not suffering at all. The right guy (for you) is loving every minute of it. At first I didn’t agree with this, but John Gray is of the opinion that a man enjoys the challenge, quest, or what have you, of wooing and trying to win the woman who isn’t easy. His frustration may be somewhat more enjoyable to him than he lets on. If it’s not, and he leaves, his loss and he knows it. After all, you, too, want a marriage partner who can keep it in his pants as much as he wants a woman who can keep her pants on.
The Rules says that a little bit of male frustration about waiting is a good sign because it indicates interest. The Rules community also says don’t engage in long makeout sessions or put yourself in a position that a long makeout session begins. That is VERY hard to stick to.
There’s a scene in a stupid book I read, and I’ve heard of other scenes like this, (the one I am thinking of was something like Meg Tilly in a Swing or Something Like That by the author of Watership Down or something like that.) I am mixed up because it was a movie too. By the way the woman turned out to be evil but sorry to spoil it. Anyway she has decided to wait till the wedding night and they start to make out and she says “We have to stop because if we go on I won’t be able to stop.” You can indicate you have a sex drive without pulling out the banana and showing what you are planning to do to a banana on your wedding night.
I agree with the other commenter…be the one he’d rather be with than anyone else on the planet, sex or no sex. Always tell him “I had fun!” John Gray (Vomit, I know) says a man feels like a victor when you tell him you had fun. He feels like he personally wrote, directed, and produced the movie (HURL) Thankfully, my boyfriend really DOES bring the fun so I don’t have to remind myself to say “I had fun.” It’s the #1 thing I appreciate about him. I think women today are so stressed that one of the best things about guys is balancing women out (hopefully while being willing to do the no-fun work of keeping life going too.)